This time around, as the elevator descends, I can focus on kissing her just for the pleasure of kissing her, groaning into her mouth, welcoming the force and how plain she is about it all. It's not like there's any need for us to pretend the desire isn't there, but it's always seemed to me like girls are a lot coyer than they need to be anyway. Mostly it would help a lot if they would just spell out what they want so we can get it right the first time. This, here, with Ellen, is simple, and I'm remembering again how not to think about it too much and to kiss her without groping blindly at her, less needy.

I regret that about the second we hit the ground and doors slide open again, and I have to step back to let her out of the elevator. There's no way of knowing if I'll get the chance again without outright asking her, and i'd feel like an idiot doing that.